did life get any better? not really.

hello? is this thing on?

sometimes i forget that i have this really cute blog out there in the world. sometimes i forget that there was a time in my life when i actually wrote meaningful things....and then decided to delete them all because i was/is/will be in denial. thanks for letting me delete my memories, blogger. wow, the internet really can do everything.

the new year

it's official. 2007 is already in its first round of kicking...my...ass.

wtf? i thought this was going to be the year where i stopped hating myself and started "getting real." the real world: eagle rock.

i don't think my self hatred will ever stop. i feel that for the rest of my life, i'm going to continue to stay awake until the wee hours of the morning, burning countless calories from tossing and turning, while i stare into space, going over every single thing i have managed to fail at.

depression is a funny thing. no, really. it has quite the sense of humor. it allows me to go out into the world with the utmost panic anyone can ever really experience and then tragically, helps me make an utter fool of myself.

so, like tonight, i have to plans to go to dinner. meaning, i get to drive to effin' hollywood, look for parking, then eventually sit at a table and pretend like i'm the happiest girl alive while we share stories about "boys" and assholes in the industry. then, i get to smile and pretend like it's funny, pretend like i'm interested, while really, i'm totally miserable and just counting down the minutes until i get to go home and watch the duel marathon that has been tivoing all day for me. what a life. i'm too old for this.

is it true that everything magically changes when you turn 30? i've got two more years...and man, i can hardly wait.